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Woman Still Holding Onto Hope That Toxic Friendship Could Blossom Into A Toxic Relationship

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http://www.theonion.com/article/woman-still-holding-hope-toxic-friendship-could-bl-55915?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=feeds

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Quote for Today

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From Mudbone to Richard Pryor.

“Hardtimes”

I lived thru hard times. Hard times was waay back. People talk about it bein hard times. They didn’t have a year. They just called it hard times. It was dark all the time. I think the sun came out Wednesday, and if you didn’t have ass up early you missed it. So I happened to be out there one Wednesday and the sun hit me right in the face and I grabbed some and rub it all over my face ’cause I didn’t have nuthin else. I might as well have some sun on my face.

Listen to the whole story on Youtube. There is plenty of profanity and some triggers.

Louis Armstrong is not smiling, but I’m laughing.

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louis_armstrong_2AG

 

Steven Wright from Brainy Quotes.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him
what he meant.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, ‘Well, what do you need?’

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

 

 

 

 

For Those Who Love To Read.

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howtopooatworkdirtysignlanguageBooks available at the Onion.hownottoreadpracticalguidetoracism

 

 

I Live In A Trailer and So…

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I can make trailer trash jokes. These are definitely stereotypes but as one of the Car Guys said, “I’m  probably going to offend and annoy someone, but these are so funny I can’t help it.”

You know you’re trailer trash if you’ve been married three times and have the same in-laws.

You know you’re trailer trash if loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You know you’re trailer trash when you think Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You know you’re trailer trash if you think a woman out of your league is someone who bowls on a different night.

You know you’re trailer trash if you wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.

You know you’re trailer trash if anyone in your family has died after saying, “Hey Guys. What’s this? This may also be true if you’re a man.”

About that first time

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ontop

I think you watch too much tv.

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Hey! Leave me alone. I need to look at R&B Divas Atlanta.

From Libraries Improbable.

readabooktv1

 

 

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