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 What is Shapeshifters about?

 I am just so damn tired of people who are afraid to know anything about these conditions assuming they understand it and then acting on the false beliefs.  D. I. D is not Schizophrenia; it is a condition in which one consciousness is divided to survive horrific trauma.

Despite living with and through a  tremendous amount of suffering people with DID have lives, children, husband, sisters, brothers, hobbies, jobs, etc.  This is  LIFE WITH” Dissociation. Since books, music, and art have always given me strength to carry on, I share to art and music to hopefully alleviate misery, if only temporarily. 

About Radicalhope: My journey has been a long, very painful, and surprisingly rewarding. I grew up in an environment of violence and sexual abuse. We never spoke of it, even while it was happening; it wasn’t until I was in my thirties, that I was able to understand and accept that there was incest in my family. I don’t know if I knew what incest was; my mind was continually fuzzy.

I can be reached at radicalhope@hotmail.com

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Michelle
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 01:53:55

    Hi there. I commend you for your strength in dealing with this disorder. I can’t claim to completely understand, but I know a bit about it and imagine it is difficult, especially with the negative social stigma. I just stumbled across your blog and I’m interested in reading more. I’m a psychology major, so I know a bit about this academically, however I have some personal experience as well. I do not have dissociative identity disorder, but I have experienced dissociative episodes in which I have simply forgotten some events. I frequently find myself distancing from difficult situations. I know this isn’t anywhere near as difficult as what you must deal with, but I feel that I can sympathize with you a little bit.

    Here’s to furthering education and understanding of disorders like this one and others!

    P.S. I found your blog because of the ‘books’ tag. My blog mainly deals with books – so it was good to find another big reader as well =)

    Also, I couldn’t find a contact email or anything, which is why I wrote this comment here. I had hoped to email it privately. You can respond here (I’ll try to check back) or on my blog, or email me if you’d like. It’s nice to meet you =)

    Reply

    • radicalhope
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 18:39:07

      Sidran has a tremendous amount of up to date information on trauma and dissociation.

      Reply

  2. alundeberg
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 01:09:23

    Thank you for following my blog! You have some great pieces– I like how you combine poetry, art, books, and your family. I do not know much about DID, but I’m thankful for people like yourself who make these issues known.

    Reply

    • radicalhope
      Jul 12, 2012 @ 10:42:40

      I’m so glad you like it. I’m trying to show that people with Dissociation Disorders are just people, we are not a strange unbelievable other.

      Reply

  3. personalitydisorderedme
    Sep 27, 2012 @ 20:16:19

    Thanks for following me! I sympathize with you. My eldest sister has DID and I have periods of dissociation along with a personality disorder. I have read endless journal articles, books and personal accounts of DID and still often feel like I really know nothing about it. I know that my sister always feels misunderstood. So I am always interested to read others perspectives and experiences on DID and mental illness in general!

    Reply

  4. radicalhope
    Jan 29, 2013 @ 19:49:41

    It’s a ongoing struggle to stop sensational misinformation and the stigma about DID.

    Reply

  5. Kaye
    Jun 17, 2013 @ 09:38:16

    Thank you for following my blog. I am a hospital pharmacist and everyday I’m receiving a lot of prescriptions from doctors but haven’t received any for DID patients so I don’t know much about it. It’s good someone like you make it known to us.

    Reply

    • radicalhope
      Mar 03, 2015 @ 11:23:25

      Kaye, I’m sorry. Took me a long time to respond.
      There are no specific drugs DID. Most of us are on anti-depression and sleep meds. Medications for Epilepsy and Bi-Polar. Anything that helps without serious side-effects. Sometimes it can be difficult to find the right combination.

      Reply

  6. seagreen415
    Jul 21, 2013 @ 17:35:19

    I have been in mental health treatment off and on for the last 18 years. First official Dx was Depression. Over the years I have acquired new Dx’s along the way.

    Currently, I have officially been diagnosed as having MDD w/Pyschotic Fx, PTSD, Agoraphobia, Poly Substance Disorder, and lastly, Schizo NOS.

    In a nutshell? After much research and personal insight I have come to the self-Dx of DID. My most recent therapist suggested it……but stated that only I can say for sure.

    I have huge chunks of my life that are missing from active memory. I find writings that I KNOW I wrote- but cannot remember writing the content. I find stuff that I don’t remember where it came from.

    Because I have active memory of certain personality states (anger and rages), I believe I am co-concious- or at least have just become more aware of my dissociated parts. Stressful events that trigger outbursts from me are usually vague memories of a situation that I was a backseat passenger to.

    I had what I think as a first time awareness of switching about a month ago at my T’s office. I started feeling like I was going to pass out- had phosphenes going on with my eyes open. You know- like when you press on your closed eyes and you get the wavy, psychedelic, flashing patterns? I vaguely remember saying “I’m seeing daisies” and then everything cleared and I felt…..different. The headache I’d had going in was also completely gone.

    I haven’t been back to therapy since. I don’t know why. Scared? Afraid of not being taken seriously? I guess I need to go back and discuss this….

    Reply

    • radicalhope
      Jul 24, 2013 @ 15:25:25

      I started out as a child knowing something was going on me with me and thought one day I would know what it was. About 15 years ago, my therapist at the time was starting a DID group and she asked if I would be interested in joining and as soon as she asked I knew. But then I couldn’t believe it totally. I’ve been losing time all of my life, but I didn’t know there was a name for it. I just thought I was crazy. It took me about five years to totally accept I was Dissociative. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and Depression. Most of the time I was very, very, ashamed of my diagnoses. About four years ago I started telling people about DID. Most people didn’t want to hear. Or they wanted to study me like a lab rat.

      I’ve got to get off the computer now, but I’m not finished with this reply. I’ll write some more tomorrow.

      Reply

    • radicalhope
      Jul 25, 2013 @ 21:26:23

      Seagreen415, I’m not sure if I can continuously write as an adult today. I will try again tomorrow. I can really relate to much of what you have experienced and I want to share it with you.

      Reply

      • seagreen415
        Jul 25, 2013 @ 22:13:03

        Take your time. I understand completely and will send thoughts of rainbows, butterflies, and hummingbirds your way!

      • radicalhope
        Jul 29, 2013 @ 22:24:48

        Thank You seagreen415. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Sorry.

  7. seagreen415
    Jul 25, 2013 @ 14:12:02

    Your experiences sound a lot like mine. I felt the same way as a child. I find it really strange that things start clicking once the original trauma is remembered. So much starts to make sense. I think this is because the walls of compartmentalization begin to crumble and there is no more reason to try to subconsciously ignore what has become apparent.

    I remember when I was young I would do bizarre things and have no memory of doing them. Once I found a block of wax and rubbed it all over the back window of my grandmother’s car. The only memory I have that tells me that I did this is because I remember her showing the damage to me. She then said the neighbor boy witnessed me doing it and told her that I was the one that had done it.

    We got into a fight afterward and I told my grandmother that I hated her. She slapped me across the face and had NEVER done so before. It was very traumatic and I still can’t connect the feelings of that moment to myself. It’s as if it had happened to someone else- and I suppose it had been. I also had a very good reason for being angry with her- but that’s another story and just another part of a traumatic past.

    I look forward to the rest of your story.

    Reply

  8. Gordon
    Apr 05, 2015 @ 18:03:38

    Hey. I’m honoured to have you following archyart. It is brave people like you that have taught me so much through you willingness and courage to be open and honest. Blessings.

    Reply

    • radicalhope
      Apr 08, 2015 @ 11:01:01

      Thank you so much Gordon. I’m glad you’re there for me to follow.

      Reply

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