Have you ever been close to death? Yes. When I was a toddler my father stuffed my head in the toilet after he took a shit, then he raped me, and smothered me with a pillow because I fought him. He put the pillow over my head, and at some point I could no longer breathe. When I stopped struggling and let go of the terror of not being able to breathe, I felt at peace.
There were some people up and around a corner (in my mind?) who said they were very happy to see me. I was happy to see them too. I felt so much joy, more joy that I had ever felt. They were familiar to me.
As soon as I was about to see who they were Dad pulled the pillow off my head. Probably because I had stopped moving. He wasn’t sure if he had killed me. I think he had mixed feelings about it. He wanted to kill me, but wasn’t sure how he could explain to the police. It was disappointing. I wanted to be back with those good people who liked and loved me.
Do you know the circumstances of your birth?