I’ve never understood how to deal with people.  My solution has always been to stay away from them.  The few times I’ve tried to make friends it turned out to be mistakes.  Except one.  I’ve retained one trustworthy friend for 25 years.   She’s so smart and cool I’ve wondered many times why we are friends.  I think she likes me.  It’s been hard to believe it.

My few mistakes:

There was the woman I had funny feelings about. Knowing my instinct was telling me I needed to end the relationship, I chose to ignore it and continue the association.  One day she said she wanted my husband and I to participate in a threesome  with her.  After that I got rid of her quickly.

A friend moved to New York and said she would write and tell me her address.  I never heard from her again.  It broke my heart because I loved and trusted her.  That time I never saw it coming.

A girl I met at  school emailed and we went back and forth for about a year.  Then with no explanation she stopped for about a year.  She emailed again a few months ago and I ignored it because she didn’t say what had happened.  She just emailed again with no explanation for her behavior.  She said she considers me a friend.  I don’t know what’s going on.  This time I will listen to my instinct which is saying “Leave it alone.”

Now I know I’m screwy, but I’m working on it.  I don’t consider myself blameless in these relationships.   There have been times when I hurt other people’s feelings because I was scared to open myself up in any way.  They may have thought I didn’t like them.  I did, but I needed to stay safe.  These days I’m trying to make good choices because I’m tired of hurting other and being hurt and disappointed.  There is no alternative but to move on slowly and expect some positive and negative results.

Thanks for listening.

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