I’m following a Yale Course on the Civil War and Reconstruction. It’s on Itunes, Youtube and the website http://oyc.yale.edu/history/hist-119
Right now I’m reading Mothers of Invention: Women of the Slaveholding South in the American Civil War. I’m enjoying and understanding the book but when I start to speak about it Kidparts come to the surface of consciousness and then my mind becomes spacey and my words jumbled.
When I was a child I pretended to be stupid so my parents wouldn’t beat or kill me. They wanted to make sure no one ever found out about the abuse. I knew how they were from direct experience.
The problem is that I pretended so good that I started to truly believe it. In the core of my being I feel stupid. Even after years of therapy, I am just beginning to see this more clearly. In the past I’ve had so many other problems to deal with.
I’m going to start talking about this with my family, friends, and therapist. That usually helps.