The last few days I felt as if I were dying. In fact, convinced. Husband tried to tell me it wasn’t happening. Kidparts were telling their emotional stories and it was devastating. These emotional memories help me to understand the extreme and terrible level of torture that caused the splitting off of my consciousness. It is still hard to handle now when I’m supposed to be old enough to make sense of the memories. There is no way I could survive emotionally as a toddler with these/those feelings. Also the flashbacks I have make more sense to me now though they are no easier to feel.
I am guessing that remembering suffering is a prelude to coming together into one consciousness, but I don’t know.
On the other side of the memories I feel the need to clean my bedroom and am no longer angry at my siblings for now or the past because now I understand we did the best we could in horrible circumstances. We are lucky we’re alive and sane and still speaking to one another.
I’m looking rough today. I need a haircut or a hair style. That’s the least of my worries right now, I think. Ha! Luckily, I have therapy and then I’m going to buy some herbs for allergies, incense, soup ingredients, and search for old inexpensive books.