I have always assumed I was just losing my mind.  It never occurred to me that I was experiencing complications from Depression.  Lately, I have felt as if I were dying, and I think I am.  After reading some of the posts of other people who are struggling with some of the same issues that I am, I figured out some of what is going on with me.  So please keep writing because it is helpful to me.

It is also helpful to me to put a name to what is ailing me; it’s not that I expect to feel better soon, it feels good to have some understanding of what has been going on with my mind and body for the last ten years!  I knew I was suffering from Depression and Dissociation, but I never really understood the effect it was having on my body and the affect on my mind.  I went to school and finished a degree in the past few years and it was so very difficult.  I could barely think or write, had no short term memory, felt scared and overwhelmed most of the time.  Most of the people at the college I went to acted as if I were an idiot. They never even wondered if anything could be wrong.  I did get eventually get help after asking for it repeatedly. I already felt like an idiot as a result of remembering abuse and so in a way I let them abuse me.  It can be rough out here sometimes.

  I found a website that put how I am feeling into words:  http://thinkexist.com/quotations/depression/2.html  I especially can relate to this poem.

“You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away.”

 inlovewithj Citizen Cope quotes

It copied out in large print, but you know my feelings feel huge too, so it is appropriate.  I just have to say that even though there have been people who hurt me, there are also those who have befriended and loved me.  It really is a mixed bag for me.

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