April 29, 2012
Positive Ouote
This is paraphrased.
Paul D. To Sethe: You know Sethe, we have too much of yesterday. We need more of tomorrow.
From Beloved by Toni Morrison
August 4, 2011
Excellent Article By Kim Pearson of Blog Her On Child Prostitution.
http://www.blogher.com/what-we-can-do-stop-child-prostitution-united-states?page=0,1
My biological mother prostituted my siblings and I and I always wondered why no one would help us and make it stop. This article has some ideas on how to start better protecting children.
August 2, 2010
New Psychiatrist
I found a psychiatrist in my area that takes my insurance. My last psychiatrist was very good. She was willing to try different medications and listen to me. She retired several months ago due to her age. She was 85 years old! Anyway I am nervous about meeting this new person( a man) but I need some adjustments in my medications so I will be able to function. Will let everyone know what happens today. Say a prayer, and wish me good luck.
Well it went ok, but I couldn’t find the place. One of the manifestications of depression for me is that I get lost easier than I used to. Mind you, I was always a little dizzy, but now it is worse than ever. I was so nervous I forget to take the address with me when I left. I figured I could find it. You know what? I did after driving around for twenty minutes.
I had to fill out 5 pages of questions on a clip board for my visit, read a patients bill of rights, my privacy rights, and promise to come back and piss in a purple cup at midnight. Ok, I’m joking about the purple cup. I was shocked to be seen on time. This rarely happens for me.
I have a male psychiatrist this time. I am so used to women. Anyway he was all business. Asked me all the standard questions. He seemed nervous to me because he kept his expression the same and he hardly moved when he spoke. Maybe he was trying to keep me calm. I keep forgetting psychiatrists are human too. Sometimes I think they forget, but I am getting off track. He told me that he did have some experience working with people with dissociation, that he was from West Virginia, been practicing sice 1990, worked at a well known local mental hospital.
I told him I was tired of being spacey and tired. He told me he couldn’t work miracle cures and I said if he could he would probably have a magic wand. In the end he increased the antidepressant that I am already on which was what I would have done, but I didn’t have to suggest it to to him, so I’m hoping it turns out for the best.
Now I am searching for the cheapest way to fill this presciption.
June 29, 2010
Thoughts on Depression from Shewrites Community Blog
Blah, Blah, Blah…Depression is a Bytch!
the bullshyt pressures of life are a struggle right now. what is like breathing for other folks, is like life support for me…..wanna cope desperately….can’t….wanna fight….no strength…..wanna beg, plead, ask for help….feel too worthless to waste the breath….
wanna, wanna, wanna……promise to myself n everyone else….i’m gonna, gonna, gonna….but how?
i stand up, to pick it, to get it up…..but put it down…..like ‘what for?’ what difference will it, or i make anyhow?
talked on the phone, laughed n giggled to the them…to me…i stood looking in the mirror at the phony with the phuckin mask of confidence the other person is hearing
i say something i think may be witty….i guess…cause they’re laughing
i’m looking at me fighting back tears….i phukked up again…..
took on too much…..way more than i can handle…..what makes them believe i can do this shyt anyway….just cause i lucked up and did it last time
a mutha phuckkin fluke…that’s all that dumb shytt was…..that’s all it was
“Leave me alone!!!!! I can’t do it again!…..It’s too damn much!….Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze!!!!!”
“Just let me crawl back in my bed….chase the sleep that evades me….if i can catch a hold of a little real rest…deep sleep….the kind the nightmares can’t get to……
the kind of sleep where my demons don’t dance and shake their asses, like my new orleans roots of a second line….waving the white flag of my failures in the air….taunting me with …what coulda…woulda…shoulda been
what i should have done right….or better….if only i were….right…or better
what the hell is right….or better….who the PHUCK KNOWS?????????????
i sure don’t….not at this moment……but maybe i will
after i moan, cry, and pray
if i can find the energy to moan, cry and pray
maybe i should, pray and moan as i cry?
Jesus, help me. I’m having a really bad day today….
Family, friends….forgive me….I’m not my best self this way….
depression is a super, uber, ugly bytch beast…..
but prayer has cracked the shell of this beast….and a sliver of hope at the end of my rope, is all i can cling to…..right now anyway
if i can only find the strength to hold on…..
by robminx
copyright 2010
www.robminx.wordpress.com
June 23, 2010
How I Feel. Trouble. Lizz Wright
June 8, 2010
Competitve Narratives
My siblings and I remember the same abusers differently. There is especially a difference in how and what the older and younger experienced. And who is right? What the hell does that really mean? We all have some truth and something missing from what we say to each other and try to ignore. I just wish we could put all our stories together because it is what the abusers never wanted. They wanted us to remain confused and our lives divided.
May 3, 2010
Grateful!
These days I have strong feeling about many things and today I feel very happy about sleeping through the night. It seems like such a small thing, and I suppose it is, but for me it is almost like winning the lottery. I haven’t slept through the night for several months. I stopped using medication because of the side effects and or expense. The way things have been going I may have to go back to medication, but last night I slept without it. So I can sleep on my own.
I feel so much better today. Just like I do with depression, I assume that there is something wrong with me other than just being exhausted. You know, when a person doesn’t sleep well it really affects all of the body’s functions. I have been gaining weight because of eating at night to comfort myself and from being too tired to do much during the day. Also, I feel as if I am living in a dream; everything I see or think about has fuzzy soft edges and I cannot remember what I need to. But I never figured this out until I got a night of adequate sleep.
