November 6, 2011
A Tough Few Days
Lately, some of my kidparts have been coming to the present which is good because I have trying to make this happen, but at the same time I am in so much pain and have a lot of rage and anger, which cannot be helped because what happened to me was scary and horrible, but its hard.
I am depressed and I know it but I don’t know what to do about it. Usually if I go for a walk or book search and listen to music I feel better, but it’s not working this time. Last night I went and saw Sweet Honey in the Rock and they were wonderful. I didn’t want to go because I was feeling so low. Even after seeing those fabulous uplifting women perform I still felt down. Today I am going to spend the day burning lavender incense in bed reading and sleeping. If I don’t feel better tomorrow I’ll call my therapist.
November 4, 2011
*Trigger Warning* Call Me Forest Green
I decided I wanted to write something and Radicalhope wants to hear what I have to say. I am a part of her just in case you were wondering. What I want to write about is how much I hate exercise and doing laundry. How come two people have so much to wash? Exercise is a trigger to me. That man that was supposed to be a dad but turned out to be a disgusting coward who like to beat up little kids and I had to write tights that itched and now when I exercise it feels like I am back with him again. I get scared and worried and sweaty. It’s hard to remember he is not there anymore. I type faster than Radical, ha! FG
September 1, 2011
Another Excellent Article From Crunk: On Disappearing.
http://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/feminist-musings-on-showing-up/
People already think I am inferior to them because I am a large, black, natural haired woman, but this article really made me think of how I hide my selves from other people because they will think I am unintelligent or crazy.
October 28, 2010
Frozen In Fear Again….
I am terrified and can barely function. I feel like I am trying to walk through frozen slush. The only difference between this time and the thousands of other times I have felt this is that I am aware, but still am finding it difficulty.
It is embarrassing for me to tell other people what I am feeling because I know it does not make sense in the present time. My neighbor is getting her roof worked on and the workers scare me because it feels like they are standing over me and judging me, very much like my abusers.
I did manage to drink some green tea and burn some incense which is usually calming for me. Hopefully, I will be able to take a shower and play some music. I don’t like reacting or feeling like I am today.
